i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Randomize
