You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
