I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
