That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
