Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
