are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
