I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
