people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
