I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Randomize
