the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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