It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
