Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
