***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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