he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
