I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
