I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
