i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
