i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
