You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
