We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
