I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
