Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I just pynch a tree in the face
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
