So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
If I die, sorry about rent.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
