This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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