Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
