i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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