she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Randomize
