I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
