He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize
