you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
