What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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