one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
People with herpes should wear stickers.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
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