its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
