he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
