Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
