Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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