i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
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