i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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