I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
