I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
