if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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