I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
