I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
