the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
