my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
