I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
