Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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