Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
