life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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