You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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