I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Randomize
