i wish peter jackson would direct porn
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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