my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
