____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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