Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
