It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
