I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
