i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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