so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
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