I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
