I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
