I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize