It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
