you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
