Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
