whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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