Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
