one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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