I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
